cadraver.net

Satire, bullshit news, total rubbish and other ramblings from a Malaysian writer.
Subscribe to RSS feed

Fuel conservation efforts take a new turn

SEATTLE – Scientists from the Washington State University have released a report describing the effects of a completely new way to save gas involving automobiles, simply by not driving at all.

The report studied driving patterns and car usage among 50 different individuals based in the Seattle area. The subjects were then told not to drive their cars during the testing period which spanned for a month.

“We came up with the idea after considering numerous ways to save on gas, including mass rearing of livestock to pull cars, and afterwards use them for food.” said Professor Martin Keilor, head of the Environmental Studies faculty. “But that proved to be too much work, so we had to come up with another option.”

“It was totally out of our minds; save gas by not driving at all? It was not scientifically viable at first as it was really out-of-the-box stuff.”

After beginning the tests, the researchers began to study the different vehicles in possession of the test subjects, checking their respective fuel levels. According to the researchers, automobiles used approximately 90% less fuel when standing still.

“I was a bit skeptical when these men in white lab coats appeared in my backyard and asked me to participate in the study, but I went along and thought why not,” said Jennifer Hawkins, one of the test subjects. “And sure enough, after taking the bus to work for a week, I was told that the gas tank to my Honda was only down by quarter of a tank! Usually when I commute to work, I usually run out by the end of the week, so is that incredible or what?”

“It blew me out of my mind,” said Marcus Rothschild, a freight trucker who participated in the test who frequently uses his company’s eighteen-wheeler to ferry goods to Seattle’s port. “We took a cab during the period to ship our stuff during the month, and during that time, the scientists told us that our trucks only had to be refuelled once!”

Motorcycle users however, were less than optimistic when it came to the tests. Robert Kent, who pedalled his way to work during the test explained that his own Yamaha ran out of gas after just two days of non-use. After an extensive study of the different cases, the scientists have attributed the increased fuel usage from non-use to size; smaller piston engines consume more fuel from non-use than their larger counterparts.

“We’re totally psyched with the results. Just imagine the amount of fuel we can save with airplanes!” Professor Keilor was quoted as saying, and is currently in the process of sending the report to the White House to be included as legislation.

Filed under: Satire by Cadraver Tagged with: conservation • environment • fuel

Leave a Reply

CAPTCHA Image
Refresh Image
« Latest fashion design this summer flu Home Ministry to exile all Malaysian cows »
    Recent Posts
    • Perkasa to hold rally in Tel Aviv
    • Faeries and toyols help cops to detect weapons
    • By-elections good for development, say expert
    • Hello Kitty expose pulls Zaid out of race
    • Local becomes Datuk Bandar through Foursquare
    • Racist group open to all races
    • Zahrain: Pakatan not friendly enough
    • Malaysian churches to go plastic

    Archives
    • May 2010 (2)
    • April 2010 (3)
    • February 2010 (2)
    • January 2010 (2)
    • December 2009 (7)
    • November 2009 (4)
    • October 2009 (10)
    • September 2009 (6)
    • August 2009 (4)
    • July 2009 (2)
    • June 2009 (3)
    • May 2009 (4)
    • April 2009 (3)
    • February 2009 (1)
    • January 2009 (1)
    • December 2008 (2)
    • November 2008 (1)
    Categories
    • Filler (2)
    • Film (2)
    • Gaming (1)
    • Malaysia (38)
    • Music (2)
    • Politics (9)
    • Review (2)
    • Satire (42)
    • The Arts (1)
    • The Kitchen (2)
    • Uncategorized (2)
    Pages
    • About

© 2009 “cadraver.net” · Proudly powered by WordPress & Downtown Nigth.