Racist group open to all races
KUALA LUMPUR, FEBRUARY 17 – While many groups in the country are aimed at unifying Malaysians, one organization seems determined on doing so: through the power of racism.
Convinced that racism is the new black, the Racists Association of Malaysia (RAM) has opened its ranks to all Malaysians, regardless of race. Formerly holding to a single-race-only membership, it has sent out invitations to various communities all over the country.
“There are so many racists from all walks of life,” said Abu Halim, the former Supreme Commander of the Racists Association of Malaysia, as his colleagues were jeering at him during the press conference at RAM’s headquarters this morning. “It doesn’t seem fair to limit our association to that of one race only. We may be racist, but that doesn’t mean that we’re selfish.”
“We used to consist of just hardcore racists from one racial group, but now RAM’s ranks are open to all members of the public who want to hate on all races,” RAM board member Murthy Selvasingam was known to have said. “It’s so good to be putting down people of other racial backgrounds, and doing it as part of a group too!”
“I’m very happy to have been chosen as part of the committee,” said Xiong Chong Sheng, one of the newest members on RAM’s board of directors. “Of course, I hate Abu and Murthy and Sylvester and their kind with all my heart, but at the same time, I have to say that I really feel at home here.”
As part of the initiative, RAM’s newest objective will be to spread the wonders of racism throughout the country. Instead of being ruled by a single person, RAM’s leadership will consist of a 20-man committee, consisting of all the different minorities within Malaysia’s complex demographics.
The hate rights group also announced the influx of seven hundred new members to the once hundred-strong hate rights group, and was looking to register another three hundred individuals.Because of this, RAM will also introduce several divisions, such as its Weekend Haters wing, as well as Blind Haters, a separate department for racists from the blind community.
When asked if this would be conflicting with the organization’s original manifesto, Abu was known to have said, “It might have worked in the old days, but then we have to realize that the world is changing, even for racists like us, but I want to make myself very clear on this. We may be racists, but that doesn’t mean that we’re insular. As Malaysians, we must be united as one, even if we hate each other most dearly for it.”
“Plus RAM sounds really cool, don’t you know? If we called ourselves the Racist Malays or Racist Chinese or Racist Indians or whatever, it wouldn’t have sounded as cool as RAM. We’re racist Malaysians, and that’s how we like it!”
“Anyone can be a racist, even if they’re rich or poor, male or female, fat or thin, though of course, Singaporeans cannot join, ha ha.”